Today we asked him to explain a bit about Григорий Ефимович Распутин or as he's better known, Grigori Rasputin. Okay, maybe you need a picture:
|Don't look in his eyes or you will crave facial hair, generic backgrounds and robe/coat hybrids. Thank you to Alexanderpalace.org for the creepy picture.|
Go ahead, our young cobbler, explain this creepy dude who was adverse to shaving:
"So in Russia around the 1965 or something, they had these Caesar guys or scissors or king dudes [Editor's note: he meant "Czars" or "Tsar".] who, instead of crowns, had these awesome furry hats because it's cold but there's like a star on it so that you can tell he's the king. Well his wife is all sick with some crazy Russian vodka flu, like my mom, and they call this cult dude with this stringy beard and hair who had like this harem of women and wore robes a lot. Well they bring him in and he does some voodoo stuff that makes the Lady-Caesar like puke a Russian demon bear or whatever kind of demon gets all up in them Russian guts.
"So they're like, 'Dude, you're freaking awesome! Thank you soooo much. You want to come live with us as like our personal doctor?' And Rasputin is all, 'Hells yeah. Can I bring my posse?' And so he moves in and he turns out to be a really crappy roommate. Like he drinks from the milk carton and puts the juice back when it's empty and all his gross hooker friends are hanging around the castle. And all the King-dude's friends are telling him, 'You gotta get rid of this guy.' But King dude is like, 'No, no, this guy is like the David Blaine and Dr. Drew all in one. We can't get rid of him, he cuts people in half and puts 'em back together and then they don't have cancer and he makes sick beer, and and and and he's like a bad-ass Harry Potter and I don't know what Harry Potter is yet but he told me that guy has a ton of books in the future and I believe him.'
"So Rasputin kicks it in their house for a spell, playing crappy music and doing card tricks. Then World War I happened. I'm not sure but I think he became the Red Baron and flew biplanes and stuff. Then he comes back home and all the newspapers are against him and show the Caesar dude how all the card tricks work and the Caesar dude gets all pissed. He hires some guys to stab and shoot Rasputin. They do, but Rasputin just laughs at these jerks because his hair and beard are so thick they block everything like a crazy Russian Captain America who uses his beard instead of a shield. A little later they poison him with democracy or something and stab him some more and throw him in the river. That seemed to work. Until the Germans get him to conjure up Hellboy! And that's why Jesus hates Communism.
Thanks crazy basement child. Back to your cobbling.
But wait, there's more!
As always, it's Double Feature Friday!
Friday Follower Focus!
Today we turn our ever-appreciative gaze upon My Own Private Idaho at http://www.lostinidaho.me/
Of course we drew a pickled version of MOPI but we didn't just stop at one, we were so inspired (and indecisive) he gets TWO (sub-par) drawings!
|He is psychologically fighting against his state of residence, old-timey-boxing style. Subtle metaphor, right?|
Then we have...
Fun Fake Fact: The Idahomey as he has self-identified on Twitter (follow this man!), has become notorious around his neighborhood for dressing up like a really creepy rabbit and hopping around his yard, shaking his tail at random passerby's.
So much joy we have spread this day. From allowing children to explain historical events to shouting out those deserving of blog-community love. Who shall be next to be aggrandized (definition: to honor)?
Don't worry, if you're reading this and took the half a second to click "Follow" (we wish they used a better word) then you're in the queue (not necessarily in chronological order).