Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Miniature Protest

This one is a lot of text, but for a purpose.
Tomorrow (Wednesday) is a day of protest. Many across the internet will be protesting SOPA (a shoddily written law that gives craven political weasels too much authority over the proletariat despite being a well-intentioned [giving the benefit of the doubt there] way to reduce online thievery of intellectual property) by participating in an internet "black out" day. Not being racist, and having no idea how to take down Pickleope for a day, I can't go that far. What I can do is change my normal posting schedule so that a post comes out today (Tuesday) instead, thus keeping my promise to you the reader of three posts or more per week.

Online piracy is stealing. Justify all you want, it's stealing. But giving government overarching powers of censorship without allowing the accused to defend him/herself or rectify the perceived violation is wrong. It's like giving government the authority to shut down small businesses. Yeah, I know, "they're only going to go after the people doing something wrong." Sure they are, that's what governments do, they stick within the letter of the law and NEVER abuse their authority. They never try to erode rights by creating a loophole then exploiting and stretching that loophole until it's a hula-hoop (re: Rico laws).
Okay, enough of my justified mistrust of vague legislation that takes rights away from people. I must service my mandate, which is: DANCE CLOWN!

I was at the GAP today (sorry, I'm not "text-shouting" at you, that's how GAP! spells it. It's like they're yelling at you all the time. Mellow out, gap.) Aside from my shame of shopping at a store designed and predicated on preying on bland, middle-class white people, and realization that being low-class I should be shopping at Old Navy (and if I was upper-class I'd shop at Banana Republic. Whoa, they've established a class system in their own chain stores! Whoa, I just turned into Keanu Reeves.), I noticed GAP!! has the audacity to arrange things in a way that comically mocks their consumers. Size small and medium are put on the top shelf/rack whilst the large and extra-large are put on the bottom shelf/rack. Where's the logic in that? The shorter people who fit into the small can't reach the high rack and tall people are being forced to bend over unnaturally and unnecessarily to retrieve their super-bland XL clothes. This is bigotry focused specifically on differently-heighted people! The GAP!!!, through their discriminatory policies are forcing us specially-heighted individuals to stretch or bend or CONFORM to their specifications without any concern to our well-being. It seems clear that GAP!!!! hates people who don't fit into their "bland" ideal. And it becomes more clear when you go into Banana Republic and can't find sweaters to tie around the necks of smaller or larger humans (please don't tie sweaters around your neck, it's gross, wrong, and lets people know you're okay with beating women and minorities).
Stand in solidarity with people outside of the "average"  of 5'1"-5'10"  range, or those with gooey dimensions who shouldn't have to bend down, and protest against the super-bland oppression imposed upon you by the GAP!!!!! corporation...At least until they give us each a gift card and CHANGE THEIR PRACTICE!
"Hell no, we won't bend down or strain ourselves by reaching too high", doesn't have a good ring to it.
Maybe, "Tall or small, respect us all!" Yeah, that's way better.
"Minnie or Biggie we all deserve to shoppie!" Yeah, not so good. It's hard to protest massive corporations based on height. Can you help? That would be great. Or maybe I'll work backwards from causes that have life-or-death consequences rather than focusing on b.s. nonsense.
Regardless, screw you GAP!!!!!! because you're inconsiderate (there may be a metaphor in there connecting the first part of this post).


  1. Am I a total asshole for not blacking out my blog tomorrow? Heyyyy, should I make my post come out tonight instead too? Will that make me less of an asshole???

    1. Not at all. In fact, I'm the asshole for finding a tiny loophole then saying governments are assholes for exploiting loopholes and acting sanctimonious about it. So goes the constant struggle to be self-righteous.

  2. Yeah! Screw you GAP!!!! Oh wait, I shop there. But very frustratedly. Because I always have to stretch and can never reach. And no one is ever actually available to help (which is the only time I ever want salespeople in my personal space...i hate shopping. But I don't hate salespeople. I used to be one and I hated approaching people when they walked in the store).

    1. Join us. Weeble Wobble one of us. One of us.
      No problem with sales people, just with those who set the rules.
      Having worked in retail waaaayyyyy too long, I have way too much empathy.

    2. I agree. Sales people are not to blame. I think what I hated most was the 20/20 rule, where you had to approach someone within the first 20 seconds or the first 20 ft they entered the store. Then when they went to pay I had to try to upsell them on the ugly scrunchies and socks we had behind the cash.

  3. Count me in for SOPA and PIPA.
    Wiki is shutting down tommorrow for 24 hrs, without which I cant post anything.
    Funny about this GAP. Which category would I fall under? I wait for sale time in Van Heusen/ Jones new york and pick up items in my size. And rest of time in Sears (again sales and clearance section)

  4. I have surpassed GAP sizes. Emailed and called our Congressman on SOPA/PIPA I already had a blog post taken down by blogger for not correctly crediting the photo.

  5. A bunch of sites are already down.

  6. I had no idea GAAAPPPP!!! was still in business.

  7. I just wish there was more conformity in sizes. I hate that I can fit one size in one shop and have to buy a different size in another.
    This SOPA thing is sounding more and more scary.

    I think Wikipedia is already blacked out as I write this

    My New Blog – “Lizard Happy”

  8. I posted a small thing this morning, as well as changing a few profile pics black. You can still get to Wikipedia as long as you disable javascript for the URL or quickly click the "STOP" button. Wikipedia away.

  9. As a fat guy I hate bending down to get stuff! I'll never shop there!

    Glad to see you mentioning SOPA!

  10. Well, we all might have to bend down before the government....if the clothes fit or not..does that sound deep enough?