The Girl Scouts Are Truly Radical

An Indiana lawmaker went about bathing in bad publicity recently by calling the Girl Scouts a "radical organization." He makes his case based on, and I'm paraphrasing, "some crap [he] found online." He thinks there's a connection between the Girl Scouts and Planned Parenthood, which there isn't, but even if there were, who cares? Oh, right sex is bad and responsible sex is worse. So, based on faulty information, he says the Girl Scouts are somehow a machine for indoctrinating YOUR youth in the ways of liberal radicalism...like the radicalism of knot tying and the art of the cookie hard-sell. 

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While his reasoning is grotesquely misguided, he did arrive at the correct conclusion: The Girl Scouts ARE a radical organization.
Let's start with the superficial, they make everyone dress the same, with those dumb looking vests they sew patches on like they work at a TGIFridays. This is just one of the ways they are training them as a part of this CULT!
They have bases all over the world, all in remote areas they call "campgrounds", filled with brainwashed youngsters waiting to be activated. All of them programmed with subconscious triggers built into their "Girl Scout Law" which goes like this:

I will do my best to be honest and fair, friendly and helpful, to assemble my plastique explosives blindfolded in under 15 seconds while hanging upside down, be courageous and strong (under harsh interrogation), responsible for what I say and do, and to respect my rifle, my aim to be true, respect authority, particularly Mother MayI our supreme overlord, use resources wisely (like making a bow and arrow from pieces of driftwood), make the world a better place, free of testicled oppressors, and be a sister to every Girl Scout. Leave no woman behind! Yay! 

What kind of crazy motto is that!?! And the cookie profits all go to stockpiling their armory. And those cookies are all baked with plenty of estrogen supplements (which actually does make them sweeter, it's like MSG for cookies). 

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Here are some of their merit badges: "Naturalist", "Battlefield Wound Dressing", "Enhanced Interrogation", "Tear Gas Survival", "Lighting a Hobo on Fire Using Only Hairspray and A Rock", "Withholding State's Evidence", "Knife Fighting Standing on a Slip-And-Slide", "Human Tender Spots", "Making a Man Cry With Your Words", "Taking Candy From, Then Taking the Actual Baby", "Giving Confidential Documents to WikiLeaks", "Leveraging a Kidnap Victim for Ransom", "Making a Murder Look Like Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation", "Drawing a Unicorn on a Rainbow", "Taiwanese Slave Trading", "Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique For Reals Yo", "Cyanide Immunity", and "Military Coup".


Yeah, so you tell me who's crazy, the dip$#!% from Indiana or the Girl Scouts!?!


But wait! There's more! It's Double Feature Friday with Friday Focus! Where I highlight in appreciation one of the people goodly enough to read this blog.
Today I pay homage (in pickle form) to Mayor Gia from...well, Mayor Gia!

I apologize if the combination of an alligator, antelope and a pickle (a pickleopator), wearing a bikini gives you nightmares. 

But what Friday Focus would be the same without a Fun Fake Fact: Mayor Gia is one of the most prolific bloggers I read. But in my investigation, I found out why. You see, Gia is actually created in a SWEAT SHOP! That's right. That's how she's always the first to comment on most blogs and creates a ton of drawings and has all her "misadventures", it's because while she's out on the beaches getting loaded on wine, a team of immigrants are chained in her basement writing, drawing, commenting, hoping to one day earn their freedom. To be fair, she pays them minimum wage and has boxes upon boxes of wine for them to drink from. A true humanitarian.
Thank you Mayor Gia. Go visit her blog, it's pretty darn good.

Have a great weekend one and all (even you poor poor immigrants in Gia's basement).