Friday, June 8, 2012

Come Make the Sexy Time

Yep, not safe for work. Well, kind of, if your work only scans for "dirty words" but I definitely skate around censored words. It's sensual, kind of sexy, but not slutty. Does that help? 
This past Tuesday, while writing my regularly scheduled post, I received notification that I was being followed on Twitter by a start-up company that makes and sells erotic audio. The first thing that occurred to me was, how are you going to take two dying industries and hope to combine them into a money-making endeavor? Does anyone pay for porn anymore (aside from ladies in their 40's buying thinly veiled erotica)? And the audio version? Is there a huge demand for "theater of the mind" porn? Do they expect, in a world of free porn and pirated audio that there's a place for their product? If so, prepare yourself for my print-only newspaper all about phrenology. How much can you really make creating porn for the blind? 
[Editor's note: Those were all rhetorical questions, please do not answer with personal preferences.] 
Their both pretty sexy depending on your fetish. Am I weird for thinking BOTH are cute? RHETORICAL QUESTION!
The reason you haven't heard the name of this company is that they have not responded to my generous offer of a week's worth of posts dedicated to them in exchange for someone moaning "Pickleope" in two of their recordings. Male or female, I don't care. During foreplay, mid-coitus, or refractory period. While I would prefer replacing "oh god" with "oh Pickleope" or "Pickleope me hard" or just flat out naming a character Pickleope, I leave it to the artists to tastefully inject my pseudonym. 

Ideally they would see the potential in our partnership and name a hermaphrodite character "Pickleope" and the title will be "Pickleope's Secret." Y'know what, I'll even write the script for you, unnamed company. All you have to do is get it recorded and try not to drown in the money you'll be piled under.
Oh, and if you have a need for a background/ancillary character in any of your recordings, I would LOVE to do that. I can do "shocked neighbor who continues to watch in horrified yet titillated fascination," "angry manager who's wondering where the pizza delivery boy is," "sleeping drunk in the alley over whom an amorous couple is copulating," "random pervert 3," "person getting lashed in an S&M dungeon," "person who has to leave the orgy early due to bowel issues," and I can do a good goat impression. That's some versatility. 

My one-sided interaction with them gave me the idea for a line of Pickleope sex toys.  Think about how perfect a Pickleope sex toy would be. 



You'll never look at my little avatar the same way again, will you? 

But there's versatility. Just change sizes and antler direction and you can have all sorts of toys.And there's no judgement from the Pickleope Make-M-O toy company (I'm "toying" with the name...get it? Huh? Get it? Toy...Okay, fine, if you can do better, suggestions are welcome.). 

I drew this at work. 
Also, Pickle-Tickle Toys (I kind of like that, but seriously, if you have a suggestion, I'd love to steal that idea from you) only uses the finest in industrial strength polymers and materials and are easy to clean! Dishwasher safe...well, I can't make those claims because they don't exist yet, but I'm sure they'll be made with the best materials by the careful hands of Chinese youths.If anyone knows who to talk to about bringing dreams into reality, I have some blueprints. 

Have a great weekend free of disturbing, sentient sex toys. 

22 comments:

  1. Hahha I was wondering when you'd blog about that! Pickleope...sponsored by EroticAudio.

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  2. There is actually quite a lot of porn for blind people. They even have erotic braille. Oddly enough it's not just a 3D chick. There is actually quite a market for porn for blind people. Just like there's a market for Pickleope themed sex toys.

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  3. Why haven't I heard of this? After watching too much erotica, sometimes my eyes start to hurt but I still want to continue the party. Audio erotica would fill the hole in my...ears.

    Incidentally, this is my idea of erotic audio (its work safe, honest):

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p39UKLlnvzY

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  4. Pickle-Tickle Toys? Great brand name.

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  5. "Pickleope me hard"... oh geez... is it terrible that I want to start using that!?? I wonder if Thailand will run screaming from the building... :)

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  6. Audio porn? I rented a car with Satellite radio, and I think there were 2 or 3 channels dedicated to that sort of thing.

    ...eh, it's more excited than the Canadian comedy channel. Bunch'a hosers over 'dere...

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  7. I feel a very strong desire to answer all of your rhetorical questions so let me begin with...

    actually I'm much to lazy for that. I bet if you indentured some 3rd world countries into making these you would have quite an ironic set of profit margins.

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  8. Nope... I'm fairly certain I will not be able to look at your avatar the same way ever again.

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  9. I saw that on Twitter the other night and laughing at your feed. They should have hired you on the spot!

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  10. "These antlers are like handlebars" - It may be my fault to visualize, but you are the reason for the graphic image and now looks I had taken celibacy oath for life. Thanks Pickleope.

    What to you think of pickle shaped shake weight which may moan and make sound depending on the shake force? And you did this at work? Where do you work? Sex-toy-factory?

    Chinese youth labors - so Chinese kids are going to loose their virginity to Pickle toys? No wonder why carrots and cucumbers are banned in middleeast and Islam women are forbidden from touching those.

    I wouldnt be surprised to see google adult content warning in your site by third post of yours advertising your research work or store, you dont even need to put demo video. God bless America.

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    Replies
    1. The Pickleope Moaning Shake-Weight is BRILLIANT!
      I didn't realize making sex toys stole your virginity.
      And if the Adult Content warning isn't already filtering out this site, I may be doing something wrong.
      By the way, I love you for ending that comment with "God bless America."

      Delete
  11. Man, back when I bought sex toys I destroyed them after a week. It's almost not fair that dudes "only" get sex dolls and pocket vajayjays, yet girls get five million different things to put into themselves and get off with.

    With that stated, I've inserted all six out of eight of my copulation-worthy genticles into all sorts of sex toys. They still never last beyond a week. I've heard a real doll might be my thing, but honestly that's only a once-in-a-while kinda thing: nothin' beats the real thing, thus far.

    Just sayin'.

    Besides, sex toys don't scream when it's time to REALLY pound 'em, abwabwabwa.

    Not even jokin', I got jackhammers for hips. :3 There's a reason why it's called a safe word. <3

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    Replies
    1. Hey, I created a sounding toy, no credit for that? What if I created a sex-sleeve with a prostate tickler? Good enough? What if I added an MP3 file for moaning action? And it's all in a cement base to accommodate your "jackhammer hips"?

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  12. What you need is a 5'5" real sex doll that looks like a pickle but screws like a dead person (because she's NOT REAL!!! GET IT?!? Necrophilia at its best!... I'm drunk. DON'T JUDGE ME!!!!)

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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    Replies
    1. No judgement. I have a Necrophilia sticker on my driver's license instead of an organ donor sticker. Come and take my sweet dead ass, necrophiliacs, I'm all yours. Just take pictures so I'm not forgotten.

      Delete
    2. That's ingenious. You need to start a movement. And website, for the pervs. But all the money could be donated to charity, because then you'll get into heaven. Guaranteed!

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  13. Hahahahahaa!! *sigh* Hahahahahahahaa!!!!!

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  14. I'm not sure if you're completely insane or a genius! Pickle themed sex toys! Positively inspired!

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    Replies
    1. Is there a difference between insane and genius? I'll say "no" to make myself feel better.

      Delete
  15. Thanks to Reddit, I just viewed my first porn video last night. Those Redditors are not kidding around. I wasn't eased into it at all. The video was of Freddy Kreuger being sodomized. Still, I don't feel prepared for your sex toys. Give me a week or so.

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  16. You are so very versatile, and absolutely brilliant. I especially love your character development on all your voice extras. But I have to say, I went to Zazzle and I could not find your line of products. What gives?

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