Come Make the Sexy Time

Yep, not safe for work. Well, kind of, if your work only scans for "dirty words" but I definitely skate around censored words. It's sensual, kind of sexy, but not slutty. Does that help? 

This past Tuesday, while writing my regularly scheduled post, I received notification that I was being followed on Twitter by a start-up company that makes and sells erotic audio. The first thing that occurred to me was, how are you going to take two dying industries and hope to combine them into a money-making endeavor? Does anyone pay for porn anymore (aside from ladies in their 40's buying thinly veiled erotica)? And the audio version? Is there a huge demand for "theater of the mind" porn? Do they expect, in a world of free porn and pirated audio that there's a place for their product? If so, prepare yourself for my print-only newspaper all about phrenology. How much can you really make creating porn for the blind? 

[Editor's note: Those were all rhetorical questions, please do not answer with personal preferences.] 

Their both pretty sexy depending on your fetish. Am I weird for thinking BOTH are cute? RHETORICAL QUESTION!

The reason you haven't heard the name of this company is that they have not responded to my generous offer of a week's worth of posts dedicated to them in exchange for someone moaning "Pickleope" in two of their recordings. Male or female, I don't care. During foreplay, mid-coitus, or refractory period. While I would prefer replacing "oh god" with "oh Pickleope" or "Pickleope me hard" or just flat out naming a character Pickleope, I leave it to the artists to tastefully inject my pseudonym. 

Ideally they would see the potential in our partnership and name a hermaphrodite character "Pickleope" and the title will be "Pickleope's Secret." Y'know what, I'll even write the script for you, unnamed company. All you have to do is get it recorded and try not to drown in the money you'll be piled under.

Oh, and if you have a need for a background/ancillary character in any of your recordings, I would LOVE to do that. I can do "shocked neighbor who continues to watch in horrified yet titillated fascination," "angry manager who's wondering where the pizza delivery boy is," "sleeping drunk in the alley over whom an amorous couple is copulating," "random pervert 3," "person getting lashed in an S&M dungeon," "person who has to leave the orgy early due to bowel issues," and I can do a good goat impression. That's some versatility. 

My one-sided interaction with them gave me the idea for a line of Pickleope sex toys.  Think about how perfect a Pickleope sex toy would be. 

You'll never look at my little avatar the same way again, will you? 

But there's versatility. Just change sizes and antler direction and you can have all sorts of toys.And there's no judgement from the Pickleope Make-M-O toy company (I'm "toying" with the name...get it? Huh? Get it? Toy...Okay, fine, if you can do better, suggestions are welcome.). 

I drew this at work. 

Also, Pickle-Tickle Toys (I kind of like that, but seriously, if you have a suggestion, I'd love to steal that idea from you) only uses the finest in industrial strength polymers and materials and are easy to clean! Dishwasher safe...well, I can't make those claims because they don't exist yet, but I'm sure they'll be made with the best materials by the careful hands of Chinese youths.If anyone knows who to talk to about bringing dreams into reality, I have some blueprints. 

Have a great weekend free of disturbing, sentient sex toys.