Nostradamus Was a Hack

Soon to be jobless, I'm thinking of becoming a fortune teller. But not the ones in those weird offices with neon eyeballs in the window. No, I want to be one of those writers who centuries later people call a "prophet". 


All I have to do is be vague whilst complaining about the current state of society. In other words, use a lot of symbolism to explain how disgruntled I am with the current ruling class, then in a few centuries history will repeat itself and people will refer back to me, hailing me as a soothsayer. That's what Nostradamus did. And he had a sweet beard which is integral to being a "prophet."

This is why I have dared to re-unleash the dreaded and drugged up Nostrapickleoose, fresh from falling off the wagon and cultivating a jankem habit, to spill predictions that will keep this blog in the human consciousness for centuries:

The dreaded and drugged Nostrapickleoose

"The populace shall elect the calloused privileged, born of a woman, reborn of fraternal purchase. The people shall, under sparkly diversionary spells, cast opinions based upon lies contrary to self-interest, manipulated by the coat-of-arms worn by both parties, puppets of devils long past their expiration."

See? Convoluted enough to not out-right say, "hey, I'm tired of how our system of government is run by the flow of money," but still specific enough so that in a few decades, people will read into and be like, "Hey, you know that prime minister we just elected, Mr. General Electric Von Walmart? I think this quatrain is about him!"

"A poorly clad young person with unblinking eyes shall conceive and birth a technology to further distance human interaction whilst conjuring the illusion we are drawing nearer. Humanity will retreat into self-fashioned cocoons until a savior emerges from the most subtle areas of the machinery within which we have imprisoned ourselves to liberate us through oratory expulsion." 

Yeah, obviously about Facebook (the Facebook Matrix! Facetrix? Facetrix is the name of mime troupe), but in 200 years, people will think I'm talking about whatever dumb time-suck we've created for ourselves and whatever imaginary Keanu Reeves character will bring it down. 

"The visual dopamine delivery system shall forever be altered by a single innovative alteration of delivery system."

Sometimes it's just that easy...or I'm running out of ideas. 

All I have to do is carefully write this with a quill onto parchment and it will give me instant credibility..."instant" meaning 200 years.

Oh crap, either I peeked into my own future and sent back an etching I did of myself writing on parchment or someone else has future powers and drew a picture of me writing on parchment. Either way, who's that sexy monkey with the great fashion sense? image source.