Allow me to help you avoid the social pitfalls of blurting out your tummy-expansion by ensuring we all know when NOT to announce a pregnancy.
During a breakup:
Definitely don't use a pregnancy to win an argument or desperately cling to a failed relationship. If you find yourself saying the following, start saving for that child's therapy, not college:
"WELL YOU'RE SO STUPID YOU COULDN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO PULL OUT AND NOW WE'RE HAVING A BABY!"
Whilst buying drugs:
If you're buying drugs from a dealer, you probably have more problems than when to explain you're pregnant, but really, don't ask for a discount from a drug dealer because you're pregnant. "Can I get like a two-for-one special, like the kid rides for free thing. You know, like on airplanes." Yeah, if you say that, it would be embarrassing to say the least.
At a bar:
In the bathroom:
"Hey, this is almost as big as the baby I'm going to have!" Or "This is great practice for when I poop out my baby."
You're welcome for not illustrating that one.
At someone else's baby shower:
|Can you guess who didn't have time to properly draw something?|
On stage "dancing"
Unless you're a ballerina, you really don't want to announce a pregnancy then ask for tips.
"Hey baby, if you get a lapdance from me, it's like you're getting two for the price of one." Yeah, no one wants that.
Right before going to sleep:
Since only the elderly play Bingo, this would be pretty difficult, but really, everyone is concentrating on the letter/number thing and doesn't need your head trip. Bingo is a place to discuss grandchildren, not pending children.
"I know, I didn't think it was medically possible either with ovaries as shriveled and petrified as mine."
No, I won't even half-ass illustrate the idea of an elderly pregnant woman. I think the mental image of the initial conception is good enough, don't you?
Whilst watching The Dark Knight Rises
There you have it, a few ways not to spring a pregnancy on someone. If you have some suggestions of circumstances I've missed, I'd love to read about them in the comments.