Hey Dalai....How's it goin' your Your Holiness? That's a cute nickname, "Your Holiness." You want me to call you that? It's kind of a nice, isn't it, Your Holiness? Nice coincidence that it starts with "your hole," right? What if I called you, "Your Hole-Nice." Would you like that? What if you called ME that? Would that be something fun?
I like those glasses. Are they prescription? They're not, right? Those are straight up vanity, I can tell. WHAT? You're kidding. Those are real? I—I’m sorry, Your Holiness baby, but I thought someone reaching enlightenment wouldn’t bother with such vanity. Sight is a construct of the unenlightened! Seeing things clearly is pure vanity. Is that why you haven’t ascended? Oh Your Holiness baby, let me take care of you. Those glasses are just anchors to the corporeal. Let me help. I’ll lead you around.
I bet your Karma would look good in my Dharma. You wanna make like Sidhartha and reach a new plane of understanding? Wait, how do I get to your…You don’t have a zipper or a button or something on that outfit? You have to pick up your entire tunic? That seams inconvenient. Do you don’t sit down every time you do your pee? Y’know you could just install a zipper or a pleat or something. I’m here to help.
Y'know Your Holiness baby, some people told me that you and me, we wouldn't be right. They say that a high lama and a low pickle/antelope hybrid aren't meant together, that it's unnatural, like a pig and an elephant. But that's some bigoted nonsense, Your Holiness baby. You and I, we can break those archaic perceptions. You and me, we can give people enlightenment. Aint that what it's about: giving people enlightenment?
What's that? It's offensive to sexually harass a religious figure? To which I say, “S’up Benedict? What if I just dropped the "Bene" and show you what to really do with Stigmata.”
Yeah, it’s safe to say I’m never reaching any sort of Nirvana...or higher plane…is there a mildly-disinterested-after-life-hang-out?