Donating My Body

Before you die, there are basically five options you can choose for your body: organ donor, sell your body to science, burn it, bury it, taxidermy your body and make it a mint-caddy at a Cracker Barrel (What, you don't have that option when you apply for a driver's license?).

Or turn me into a facsimile of this work of art. Source

This is not good enough for me. There are so many other uses for a human cadaver than traditional, legal methods offer, and I DEMAND choice! Here are but a few things I would like the option to donate my carcass towards.

Awww you forgot the  sunglasses! Source

Donate My Skeleton to High School Science
You know how high school science classes seem to always have a full skeleton just hanging out in a corner? I want that to be me. But I would prefer to live in perpetuity by being the skeleton but having my full name etched into my forehead. So, when teenagers sneak into school in the night to smoke weed and wreak harmless mayhem, they remember the skeleton they're putting a hat and sunglasses on belongs to me.

Pulverize it to Powder for Keith Richards to Snort
I've heard he loves snorting the dead. And getting mixed with cocaine and giving a thrill to possibly the most famous drug-puppet of all time, the Caligula of barbiturates, the Kermit to heroine's Jim Henson, would be quite an honor.

Donation to Necrophiliac
After donating my organs, this is my first choice of body donation. There are people out there who would be horrified to have themselves be violated, so the necrophiliacs are shamed into hiding their fetish, violating the corpse of the unsuspecting and unwilling. I am offering myself to the cause. What do I care? I'll be dead. Cary on with my carrion. Only, no photos or videos, that's just embarrassing.

Then, after my corpse becomes too worn out or our relationship falls apart (See what I did there?) I'd like the necros (my cute, pet-name for them) to hand me over to our next group...

Dinner for Cannibals
I get it, you've acquired the taste for human flesh, but society frowns upon your culinary preferences. Let me help you by being your people-jerky. I probably won't be as fresh as you prefer, but throw a little salt on me and cook me in a slow-roaster and I guarantee I'll taste better than anything you'll find in an Applebee's or Denny's.

The point is, why are my donation options limited by social mores? I don't have those same hangups...and I could use the cash up front now while I'm still alive, call me, necrophiliacs, I have reasonable prices and my orifices are supple!

To round out this most morbid of posts, how about the weirdest taxidermy I could find:

Created by Andrew Lancaster, craftsman of nightmares. Source

Thanks, Internet.