Million Dollar Idea: Cryptid Insurance

Are YOU and YOUR FAMILY and all your cool stuff PROTECTED from unforeseen dangers? Sure, you may have homeowners insurance, renters insurance (if you have renters insurance, you can stop reading now because you can't afford our services...wait, does that mean I have to stop reading the post I'm writing right now as a poor renter? Damn, I'm caught in a hypocritical logic loop of my own creation), you may have car insurance and flood insurance but if you don't have my insurance, your family is exposed!

Not that kind of exposure, but don't expose your family like this either. Source

Keep your family and finances protected from the unforeseen by buying Pickleope's patented Cryptid Insurance! For a low monthly fee based on your geographic location and your answer to important questions like, "so, uh, how much ya' got?" You too can be protected against deadly attacks from mythical...I mean, supernatural events that could destroy your life.

Bigfoot attack your car? You're covered (provided you can show video proof, hair sample, stool sample, foot cast and semen sample.

Quick, someone call Steve Austin! (You must be 40 years old or into 70s Sci-Fi to get that joke.) Image Source

Daughter fall in love with a perpetually shirtless werewolf? We'll replace your daughter as soon as you cover the deductible, prove the shirtless werewolf is a terrible actor, ensure us your daughter isn't a one-expression pseudo-goth, and prove there is no intention of ever creating a trilogy of poorly conceived novels.

Chupacabra attack your goat herd? Too bad because we don't cover chupacabras, those things are real and everywhere.

But you get the above two styles of coverage and a full menu of other coverage to suit your particular needs.
We cover Loch Ness Monster*, Sexy Loch Ness Monster**, Mothman, Moth-hermaphrodite, club DJs with an understanding of the Pythagorean theorem, all manner of supposedly "mythical" creatures.

Cryptid Insurance by Pickleope:

No Man-Bat too big, no Cottingley Fairy too small,  we insure against them all...except those freaky chupacabras.

*Loch Ness Monster insurance is not available in Scotland or whilst traveling in Scotland.
**The sexiness of your particular Loch Ness Monster shall be determined only by our trained professionals.

Sorry, you really should have read the agreement, Cthulhu is on page 78. 

Call or send in your wallet today for a quote!

Side Adventure:
I performed a quick search in case some horribly amoral social predator already had this idea, and surprise, there's Alien Invasion Insurance (not an endorsement). Thankfully this isn't exactly a sustainable business model as it seems they aren't selling anymore (not that I checked...yes I did. That would be hilarious and frame-able).

Click for full size???? Or don't, you get the idea.