Fun With Shakespeare

What happens when a barb meets a Pickleope.

NO DON'T RUN! I'm not going to talk about the works of Shakespeare that tortured people throughout high school. I'm talking about the actual William "On It With a Sonnet" Shakespeare.

My sincerest thanks to Dawn.

With a little assistance, I was fortunate to win William "Get-It-On With the Bard-of-Avon" Shakespeare, giveaway from Kellie at Delightfully Ludicrous. This was only possible thanks to one of my favorite people, Vapid Vixen whom you might remember from my pickling of her.

What I won can only be described as transcendental. Yes, you can say my new companion is "just a doll" but no, William "New to the Century" Shakespeare is my responsibility and my friend. There were so many ideas that I had to regulate myself, and calm down to remember that William "Please Not in the Butt" Shakespeare is a guest in our time and I need to bring him up to speed.

When I first received Shakespeare, his facial hair, and wiry, unkempt hair begged the nickname: "Billy Shakes."

My new companion.

We immediately became kindred spirits. He immediately took to my love of pickle iconography, as you can see. But he was confused by this new world. I tried to help him acclimate.

"What is...round?" He asks

I introduced him to the new world. First I explained the concept of a round world and after he tried to stab me for blasphemy, I explained that the Earth revolves around the Sun. After he tried to stab me again, I introduced him to other modern conveniences. He loved air conditioning, and the luxury of running water. Mirrors, however, were new to him.

Pay no attention to the carved bear in the background or the human fingers helping move Billy's arm. MAINTAIN THE ILLUSION!

In his day, it took two years to prepare for an event. You'd have to commission an artist and wait until he was done before you knew what your hair looked like. That's why everyone switched to powdered wigs.
After arguing with himself for an hour, I explained what the lights were illuminating the room. He was fairly confounded by electricity:

Oh no, he's "curious dumb", someone stop him!

Once we revived him with mouth-to goatee resuscitation, he was back to being curious about the world. I tried to update him on human history

What discussion of history is complete without a history of punk?

After getting him caught up to the modern world, I was naturally inclined to show him our advancements in spirits. It was like I showed Michael Phelps a pool.

What's the pickle doing to him now?

He gobbled down that martini in a single gulp. He then chided me for making such a "thimble of spirits" and demanded a "flaggon." I don't speak Dead Poet, so I just made him a martini in a larger glass:

I think the pickle is whispering sweet nothings into his ear.

It was on after that. He had a couple more gallons of martinis and proclaimed, "the party doth started, bitches."

He made copies of his ass. Which, I didn't even teach him about computers yet, so I have no idea how he knew how to do that.

Awww, not the good glue!

He started sniffing glue and asked for things to smoke and telling me how he loved me right before trying to start a fight. Thankfully, though, Billy Shakes is a lightweight. He was hunched over, punishing the porcelain before the sunset.

He ended up passed out in my bathtub. I made sure he was sleeping on his side so he didn't choke on his own puke.
The next morning was rough. He insisted on speaking in very hushed iambic pentameter.

I gave him sunglasses to help with his light sensitivity.

In order to distract him from his pain, I showed him the greatest cure for a hangover...

This blog, of course. Which has been evaluated by the FDA and proven to be the most effective hangover cure.
My style of prose and rapier wit quickly made Billy Shakes the number one fan of Pickleope.

He made his own mug!

Shakes is a HUGE Pickleope fan. I mean, how could he not be? The Bawdy Barb and the Briny Blowhard are a natural pair.

So again, I thank you, Kellie at http://delightfullyludicrous.blogspot.com/ for bringing us together. More adventures shall be had (I plan on a ribald trip to a toy store. Spoilers: he'll hump a lot of stuff.).
And to express my appreciation, I crafted this pickled version of Kellie:

http://delightfullyludicrous.blogspot.com/

Have a great weekend everyone. And remember, if you plan on drinking with a 16th century poet/playwright, be sure to hide all huffable substances. The more you know.