The Judgmental Sorority Girl Explains the Electoral College

NOT the Electoral College. Unfortunate source.

In the U.S. many people are confused about the Electoral College part of presidential elections. This is why I went to the local college and found a political science major to explain this part of the voting system. I may have chosen poorly, her name is Bethany, she's a Sophomore, a member of Alpha Phi sorority, interned at a fashion magazine this summer, and aspires to be a socialite.

"Oh. MyGod, guys. So like, I'm currently a Poli-Sci, and that's why Pickle-whatever asked me to write this, but I'm thinking about changing majors to Communications. I was told this was going to be easy, but I totally had to like, read and stuff! I mean, come on, I have like a full load of like three classes and there's totally a crazy amount of homework, and cheerleading practice, and like, well, like all the, uh, you know, extra curricular activities and stuff. How am I supposed to have time to do stuff like, learn about elections and stuff? It's not like I vote. I mean, I do sort of vote, though. Like my Daddy gets my absentee ballot and fills it out for me because he's super smart and knows about all this political junk 'cause he watches Fox News a whole bunch.

"OH! And that's totally like what the Electoral College is! Yayyyyyy! It's like voting for someone FOR someone, right? So. like, to put it simply, there are a specific amount of dudes in each state who take all the votes and go, 'okay, the people totally want me to vote for this dude,' and so they really vote for the president. Makes total sense, right? All our president votes go to the Electoral College and they vote for the president.

"Cool, so can I go because I wanted to tease my hair out for this rad 80's themed party we're going to have with Sigma Chi and I wanted to...GOD! FINE! I'LL DO YOUR STUPID POST! UGH! Working for you is like putting together iPads in China.

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"Whatever. So like, back in the day, when America was still being made, some old dudes thought that the popular vote was supes cray. Like cray cray. Like why the People's Choice Awards are all lame. But other dudes thought that allowing Congress to decide the president was like, well, like why Ryan Gosling hasn't been given every award ever. The compromise was to have this Electoral College.

"The people vote, then, like three months later, the Electoral College dudes go to their state capitol and say, 'these guys want me to vote for this guy so I'm voting for this guy.'

"Every state has the same amount of electoral voters as they do members of senate, plus members of congress. That's why sometimes the president doesn't win the popular vote.

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"There, that's it. Can you believe I got a B- in my Comparative Politics class? That professor totally hated me because of my hair. Sorry that not everyone can have silk spilling out of their follicles like the gifted and your metabolism has slowed. Take a Zumba class and go to a salon and maybe you won't be so bitter.

"Can I go? I want enough time to do my makeup, puke up lunch, brush my teeth, do some shots of strawberry schnapps, glitter my cleavage, and Instagram some pics of me in the mirror. I may meet my future husband and he could be the president! Fingers crossed. LOL.

"But like, look at the two candidates this year. One guy is like super rich, well, they're both super rich, but Mitt is all like, well he's old but he dresses well and I could always have something on the side with Paul Ryan who does P90X, right? But then Barack has this cute smile and he's only half-black so my parents would only be half-mad. It's a total conundrum, guys. That's why Daddy takes care of these things for me and it's good that the Electoral people vote for us."

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And there goes Bethany.
I may have annoyed myself with this one. But let it be known, I don't hate all sorority girls, just the vapid stereotypes some of them live up to. As for the Electoral College? The existence of that is about as ridiculous as this post.