I’ve been saying for years that we
are smarter than our ancestors simply by default. By being surrounded by
the sum total of human knowledge, even those of us who don’t actively pursue
intellectual pursuits are smarter just by having cursory knowledge of ideas
that in our grandparents' days would have us all mobbed for heresy.
But now I know that my general suspicions were right. (Yes,
this is me taking a self-congratulatory victory lap.)
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| Source |
The average IQ is increasing.
Despite our perception that people are getting dumber, that appears just to be
because the dummies are getting louder. According to the Flynn Effect (a
study of IQ tests done over 60 years conducted by James R. Flynn), society is
getting smarter. Approximately three IQ points every…I don’t know, decade? I
didn’t read the whole article.
Now that we know this, why are we getting smarter? Sure, it
could be what I said about us all having the collective knowledge to build
upon, but I must allow for the probability and inevitability of my wrongness with
every thought that escapes my brain.
Maybe we are measuring IQ with a faulty yard stick. Collective
intelligence has changed, but how we understand intelligence may not have.
What’s the point of studying the evolution of human intelligence if our
methodologies haven’t changed?
There’s an alternate explanation I think is more likely, and
that is, maybe it’s society’s way of overcompensating for an unsatisfying love
life. “What makes you think society has an unsatisfying love life?” According
to an Italian
study, the average size of male genitalia is 10% smaller now than it was 50
years ago (Grandpa had a HOG!). Thus, it stands to reason that 50 years ago
they were too busy utilizing the men’s gigantic swinging sausages (good name
for a Limp Bizkit cover band, but please don’t ever create a Limp Bizkit cover
band) in sexing to have time for reading or practicing chemistry. Nowadays the
men are so unsatisfying because of their tiny ding-a-lings that no one wants to
waste their time trying to manipulate their slightly-larger-man-clitoris.
Hence, mastery and expansion of human knowledge.
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| Source |
Oh, I’m wrong? Okay, you’re right, the guy who invented the
internet had a Liam Neesonesque
trouser-serpent. Yeah, my bad. Yes, Stephen Hawking has a…never mind, bad
example, he probably does have a Large Hadron Collider, dude has cheated on
both his wives. Statistically, though, smart men probably don’t have enormous
rhino dinguses.
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| Now you know why baby is mad at Grandpa. Source |
In conclusion, next time you have a family dinner, look at
the youngest male at the table, then at the oldest, and remember, that in
comparison that kid is smarter than Grandpapa but he would weep if he saw dumb ol’
Grandpappy shuffle out of the bathroom after forgetting to pull up his pants.
Thank you, and spread the knowledge. (I'm way too proud of this post.)
You're right to be proud of this title Pickle, it's one for the annals. Smaller penises have led to our perception that we are evolving intellectually. Sounds like a sound theory to me. Wait a minute. All the men who show up today to comment, will do leave wondering how big grandpa's penis was.
ReplyDeleteYou're an evil genius!
My goal is to make people think of old man wieners. All wrinkly and jaundiced flecked with liver spots. That reminds me, I have to go to the nursing home to work as an ombudsman.
DeleteI think that sitting with a hot laptop on your crotch can reduce penis size. Gents, if you're going to use your laptop on your lap, make sure you sit on an ice pack or get a liquid cooled chair to cancel it out.
ReplyDeleteI loved this post. The Limp Bizkit line in particular has hilarious.
There is actually a TED talk about the hotness of a laptop and its negative effects on penises. http://www.ted.com/talks/yossi_vardi_fights_local_warming.html
DeleteI worked as a nurse in a nursing home for two years ... I can totally back you up on this. Some of those old fellows had nothing to be ashamed about in the trouser snake department.
ReplyDeleteVALIDATION!!!!
DeleteI heard about that study too. Rush Limbaugh said it was due to the feminazis, i believe. So not only do we have the power to shut down our uterus while being raped, we can not shrink male genatalia as well. Women are MAGICAL.
ReplyDeleteI saw that article. Apparently women can shoot rainbows of death out of their cooters. Who knew?
DeleteI have never read so many slang terms for a penis. I feel like I understand so many more things now. The colors are brighter, food tastes better... all because I have discovered that I can call my G's thingy a trouser serpant. :) Also- thank you for making me think about old man weinies.
ReplyDeleteYou are welcome.
DeleteI think I'm way too proud of you for this post. I also agree with your first theory more. As we grow and develop we are surrounded by knowledge, and we grow upon that and pass down everything we know. It stands to reason that we're passing down more knowledge to each generation. Though there is a difference between IQ and knowing things.
ReplyDeleteThank you. And logic would dictate that yes, the first theory is better, but if I let logic rule this blog, I wouldn't get to make jokes about old man meat-vines.
DeleteI think "rhino dingus" is my new favorite term for large male genitalia.
ReplyDeleteI love them all so much, it's hard for me to pick a favorite.
DeleteBecause we live in a world where limp bizkit cover bands exist, I refuse to believe the world is getting smarter.
ReplyDeleteI do, however, now understand why they always called grandpa "tripod" even though he wasn't an amputee...
I refuse to believe Limp Bizkit cover bands actually do exist.
DeleteAt least your grandpa didn't need a walker, he just had to get worked up before walking somewhere.
Ok, are you the one who had been complaining that THIS family blog of yours had been inviting sex maniacs and Viagra spams?
ReplyDeleteWhatever my question is, I agree with pole width and height, had been any change in hole depth and width? As long the changes are proportional, it should be ok.
About people getting smarter, I would like to experiment with your first born, put him in a forest and raise him - jungle book Moogli style, then give me this IQ statistics.
If you have guys who believe that woman's body can abort the baby making mitosis process for illegitimate rape as leaders, I may just need challenge this study.
Okay, you may be right, I may be inviting the weirdos at this point.
DeleteYour question about depth and width is excellent. I don't know if the Italian researchers are doing this as a follow up.
If I agree to your experiment, will you pay me?
"at this point" being modest eah? I don't recall a single of yours which didn't make me visit urban dictionary.
DeleteWith this title, this is like having hotsluttyboobladies as profile name in dating sites.
I put Romney once in my post title statcounter read visits from all federal offices, pentagon, CIA, uscis, some veteran group as well. Just saying.
In middle east I heard that woman are restricted from touching cucumbers and carrots, Is your site up in middle east or banned?
I don't know what the hell you're talking about. I'm super smart, AND I have a huge penis. I'd upload a picture as proof, but I'm FAR too modest to do anything like that.
ReplyDeleteMaybe that's it, maybe all the participants were too modest to actually whip out their monkey paw and slap it on a ruler so the researchers just estimated.
DeleteIf you saw where I worked and who I worked with you might reconsider but I'll take your word for it.
ReplyDeleteAdmit it, you just want to see what kind of insane searches people type into google to end up on your page.
ReplyDeleteA little bit. This entire blog is really an experiment in luring in the sexually deviant.
DeleteWow!! Fascinating actually..... and kinda helps clear up why they named all those kings Richard the 2nd and the Third and so on back in the day.... clearly their was enough hog to be passed down!
ReplyDeleteAnd yes you should be proud of this post!!
Thank you, sir.
DeleteMy MIL (in her sixties) has a boyfriend (in his sixties) and through the unfortunate timing of me entering the living room during his late afternoon nap and his semi snug overalls, I was witness to what was clearly a very (very) large sleep boner.
ReplyDeleteThat was years ago and anytime the MIL doesn't want the family around because he is going to be spending the night, I totally understand why.
I read that men's average sperm count has dropped, too. I don't go through all the comments made on a post, usually, so i don't know if that's been brought up. Probably has, already. though it sounds about right that society's individual has may had an I.Q. boost over the decades, I believe we are getting morally more corrupt and using our higher I.Q.'s for more selfish and potentially dangerous reasons.
ReplyDeleteI'd bet my brussel sprout-sized penis on it!
Fine I'll do it one more time but I promise you that comparing penis size if going to be the very last reason for me to dig up the body of my dead Grandfather.
ReplyDeleteWell of COURSE they had bigger penises 100 years ago. They didn't have X-Boxes, iPods, texting, or sex robots (Japan only).
ReplyDeleteWhat ELSE were they supposed to play with?
Hmmm, I'm guessing the intelligence level of blogs written by any men that read this post will be taking a sharp dip in an effort to convince us all that they have a huge king dong.
ReplyDeleteUh, damn... a place to meet deviants. ~And 'swinging from a tree' meant something entirely different than what I've been told... back in the day... love the graph!
ReplyDeleteI think we are getting smarter because of the obesity rise. Finally, McD's was right about something!!
ReplyDeleteOr, maybe I'm making up excuses to eat french fries.. again.
Hugs!
Valerie
Oh good lord. Give me three more synonyms for penis, old man or not, and I will be your slave forever.
ReplyDeleteAnd you should be proud because it is hilarious, apt and disgusting all at once.
ReplyDeleteI have something for you over on my Blog if you want to stop by. You may not be arsed tho ;-P
http://www.thegingerblogman.blogspot.ch/2012/09/i-couldnt-have-done-this-without-being.html
yea, i think that's why they have to redo the IQ tests, and if you are older you get some mor epoints or something.....well my IQ is 400 thousand bagillion by the way.
ReplyDeleteI am pretty sure this blog title will get you some more page views!
think about the average stupidity os people and realize half the people are stupider than that xD
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteBoy, do I feel sorry for the future. Eventually, every guy will resemble a Ken doll. Though, I don't know why this information concerns me. I'm not into dick or, better yet, dick being into me. So, having a smaller schlong than my Grand Dad doesn't bother me too much. It's just one more reason I'll have to cry myself to sleep at night.
ReplyDeleteThe mental feces that this post has conjured up is unbearable. Although I do see genius in your work, keep in mind that most men would rather not think of their grandfathers this way. Either should women but to each his/her own. I am no smarter now than I was before reading this and on top of that, I have a wicked lack of confidence in my man piece. Touche.
ReplyDeleteIt should be Neither, not Either. This puts a small hole in the theory that we are smarter now, than we were back then. Just a little hole.
ReplyDeleteWell, your name is Pickleope. Writing about this topic is natural. Just like mastu—
ReplyDeleteI love the scientific nature of this post! Excellent reading during my lectures at school. XD
ReplyDeleteYour science seems pretty dead on, so I'm going to go ahead and except all of this as fact. When are you going to submit it to the American Journal of Science?
ReplyDelete