Invasion of the Pokemon

In my continuing series in which readers present me with absurd ideas, challenging me to make them a reality, today Cricketfreak of BhadrAwr asks, "what if Pokemon were real?"

I want to give credit to the URL in the bottom corner, but it doesn't work, so, here's the image source I found

For those who don't know, Pokemon are little monsters with special abilities created by Nintendo that spawned a wildly popular cartoon. Essentially, there are "trainers" who throw Pokeballs (How many gross dudes have called their junk that? Stop it, gross dudes, don't name your junk.) at these "pocket monsters" and then have tournaments against other trainers. 

Things would not be so cut-and-dry in the real world. As soon as the world at large knew about what are obviously an endangered species, a few things would happen:

This is kind of what it would be like
if they were real...and missing
a chromosome. Source

Ash wouldn't be trying to "catch 'em all" to engage in tournaments, he'd be arrested for hunting endangered species. He'd claim that he's an environmentalist, containing these animals so that he can help maintain their species. But I'd like to see him try to artificially inseminate a Charmander. The Animal Liberation Front (They knew the acronym is ALF when they were coming up with the name, right?) will team with PeTA to campaign to have Ash put away for life for imprisoning these majestic creatures. In the end he'll probably get a lesser charge of animal smuggling. 

Speaking of animal smuggling, as big as the illegal animal trade is, I look forward to the first guy arrested trying to go through the airport with a dozen Bulbasaurs taped to the inside of his pants. 

While the animal rights groups are distracted by the circus of attention and allure of media whoring they can do at the Ash Catchem trial, certain bored rich people who will pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to have a nice plate of fried Jigglypuff (I'm looking at YOU Prince Harry). 

Image Source

Imagine also how dangerous Australia already is, how much of the flora and fauna already can and wants to kill humans, now up that by having free-range Pokemon that can sweat lightning or fart magma. Terrifying. 

But with such odd and deadly abilities, it's only a matter of time before governments take to the task of catching them all and using them instead of or in tandem with drone trikes. So I guess it would be like the cartoon in that these animals would be trapped and used for the entertainment of the masses, though I suppose "entertainment" in this case is unleashing the Pokemon on poor countries with rich natural assets. 

Source

In other words, Pokemon being real would only give us yet another thing to bicker about and use to kill each other. Trips to the zoo would be much more exciting and potentially dangerous, though...Now I can't stop thinking about how delicious a Snorlax probably tastes. 

Have a good weekend, one and all.