In Defense of Valentine's Day...A Day Late

Now that the "V-word" Day is done and the real V-word Day has begun (What, you don't celebrate "Venereal Disease Day"? It's like the Boxing Day of regrettable sex where you cross your fingers that it doesn't burn when you urinate.) I think I've heard everyone's reason for hating Valentine's Day. 

"It's a Hallmark Holiday!"
The most popular of arguments, this one falls apart almost immediately. It's a Hallmark holiday for the tragically unoriginal. If you need a four-dollar card to express a pithy sentiment you somehow can't verbalize, that's not Hallmark's fault. That's you needing to read a book or two. Get your vocabulary game tight, son. 
If you're still buying roses and heart-shaped boxes of candy, holy hell, how are you in a relationship, Caligula? (Caligula is the face of romance, right? I may be confused about history.) 
Nowhere does it say you have to buy things. Do something original that costs nothing. Show some effort! If you won't go to the gym, at least make a mixtape, chubs (kids, a mixtape is like when someone makes a playlist and downloads it on your iPod for you). 
Also, if you're using the commercialization angle, you better be consistent, and accept no presents on your birthday or Christmas, lest ye risk hypocrisy. 

See? Caligula WAS romantic! Who else gets a horse for his favorite concubine? 

"It makes single people mildly unhappy."
So? Mother's Day is hell on Casey Anthony, but no one goes around saying how much they should eliminate that holiday. Earth Day isn't for oil companies and Yom Kippur isn't for Mel Gibson. Not all holidays are for all people.
Sucks for you that Valentine's Day lays bear for you the potential reality that you will probably die alone, but don't begrudge other people's happiness. Celebrate like normal single people, by going to a bar, finding the first person remotely tolerable on the eyes, confuse "sex" with "intimacy" then cry out the regret in the bathroom as you scramble through your brain, trying to remember if a condom was used. 

"I tell my partner I love him/her every day. I don't need a single day to get me to say 'I love you.'"

One of my favorite "Simspons" episodes

Is that your way of oversimplifying a holiday or your way of publicly masturbating your ego? Oh, it's both. It's not a day to SAY "I love you." It's a day to make an overtly romantic display to remind your partner that the spark is still there. If you can't muster the energy to do something out of the ordinary, then take that limping horse of your relationship to the glue factory (Do they still make glue out of horses?). 
Perhaps your argument is that you make overtly romantic displays everyday? How insecure are you? Let me give you an example. Say you leave little love notes for your spouse in her lunch or on the television for when she comes home. On Valentine's Day, up that to leave a note in all those places at once. Every couple has the cutesy little thing they do for each other, take that and triple it. Boom, you have Valentine's Day. 

"It's named after a Catholic saint and I'm against the Catholic church."
It was originally a Pagan holiday, so celebrate that with a fertility godess or what have you. 

Valentine's Day is a day to get sappy and show that you're willing to make a little bit of extra effort for someone you supposedly love. That's the message of the holiday. Any protestations thereof sound like a petty child who's throwing a fit because mommy wouldn't buy the toy. "But I don't WANNA write out the emotional sentiment I feel toward the person goodly enough to see me naked and care about me. NO! I won't express my feelings and YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!" 
What a treat that person is. 

Even an intergalactic allegory for Nazis can find love, and all they know is killing and white uniforms. Source

Hopefully you weren't a hyper-cynical denier of things that make other people feel good and had a good Valentine's Day. Hey, just for the hell of it, vigorously kiss your loved one today to show your appreciation (even if you only have a dog).