Keeping Life in Perspective

Sometimes we, as privileged people get lost in the minutia. We allow our petty problems to become all-consuming vortexes of attention, demanding all of our effort and worries be focused upon the swirling, formless, intergalactic garbage hole. Except this toilet recycles the waste back into your own head. "Oh, look, the anxiety swirls backwards in this...why am I crying?"

From High Anxiety. Mental health accureat. 

That's why we need to keep things in perspective. In order to do so, we often need to create a physical representation of our useless demons. (You know, the demons who cause your dog to fart in the middle of the party even though you don't own a dog, or the demons who, when you come home from vacation, make your place smell like fish?)

I want to make that process of perspective easier. It's hard to keep life in perspective if you're not a wildebeest torn between constant terror of being mauled by a lion or dying of dehydration. So here are a few tips to keep things in perspective without too much effort:

Keep a starving child of dark corner(s) in your basement.
This kid is probably going to die anyway if you stole/adopted the kid from the right/most f***ed up country, but if you allow him (make sure it's a boy, look underneath) to eat Pop-Tarts and watch an actual television, you may be considered a hero. Angelina Jolie doesn't allow her kids named after mathematic computations to watch TV. Your little child, Pythagorean, will be enriched in his last days, you hero, you.

Harbor a Fugitive
Is a child too much psychological work? Surely you have a friend who is a fugitive from the law. Let him/her stay in your house for a day or two, then establish a cycle of disappointment. There, that's the same as having a kid, right. RIGHT.

Okay, fine, you don't want to hurt another person. I have you covered.
Create a second identity. Now use that second identity to steal your primary identity. Now you have all the excitement of having your identity stolen without the hassle of having your credit score irrevocably messed up.

Now wildebeests, they have things in perspective. "No, I won't make out with you, lion, I...Mmmmph!" Link

Okay, you can always:

• Fund a rebellion
• Go to Narcotics Anonymous meetings 
• Use a catheter even if you don't need one
• Be a woman in a position of authority and attempt to not be called a "bitch"
• Travel with carnival workers for a day
• Be the person who has sex with Philip Seymour Hoffman. 

Regardless of what you do or how you do it, try to keep things in perspective. Your life is probably pretty good if you put your life up against someone who lost the birth lottery.