Life's a Pitch

There are cultural and societal touchstones that have been birthed into the world by pioneers, geniuses, radical creators (meant in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle sense of the word) and brazen nonconformists. That these ideas have become mainstream is a feat no less than astounding. I'd like to imagine what the initial pitch was like to see the idea behind such maverick notions. Thus, I give you, "The Persuasive Meetings Of Famous Crap."

No, you're right, he's of normal proportions. Source

We begin with Charles Shultz's pitch for Charlie Brown:
"So the main kid, he's almost totally bald, his head swollen to abnormal, elephantiasis size, but everyone is going to root for him. No, not because he they think he has cancer. In fact no one is going to bring up the 'C' word. They are going to root for this kid because he's kind of dumb and everyone treats him as such. He's so dumb he talks to a delusional dog, falls for the same trick time and again, lets people walk all over him, never changes his clothes, and never stands up for himself. But people will LOVE him. And he's super easy to draw so cartoons are inevitable."

Next, since he's been in the news, let's hear George "He of the Plaid Shirt and Strap-Beard" Lucas's pitch for Ewoks:
"Now, now guys, I know the way it was written, the final film was supposed to have a bunch of Wookies, but let's face it, Chewbacca has been pretty irrelevant to the entire story up until now. In fact, no one even knows what that weird bandoleer does unless they make up some fake use in the dumb novelizations. So instead of those useless Sasquatch ripoffs, I've come up with Ewoks. 

Let's face it, it's the most action Chewbacca has gotten the entire trilogy. Source

"Yeah, they're like dwarf Wookies, but better. These Ewoks, they'll be all about killing. They're bloodthirsty. Ewoks are savage, bloodthirsty omnivores with a penchant for song and worshiping effeminate robots. They play drums on the heads of the dead Stormtroopers, what's not to like?

If you listen to the drumming, those helmets sound full. The rest, based on their treatment of Luke and the rest, was eaten. Image Source. 

 "If we sell some extra toys, that's just a byproduct, because everyone is going to see that Ewoks are badass. Not like those weird do-nothings in the Wizard of Oz. Now pass me some more ribs and a new flannel shirt." 

And finally, here is God's pitch when creating Man (sorry, ladies, I didn't write the misogyny, it's in the book those Gideons sneak into every hotel room):
"Ugh, fine, I don't care. Yes, we'll save space, the same hole the food goes down is the same he'll need to breathe. I know it's stupid, but I'm so tired. I've been at this for days now with no rest. 

8-Bit God seems terrifying, maybe because his entourage is
filled with an orgy of terrifying melting people. Source

"Light, boom. Heavens, boom. Earth, boom. Everything in the universe, done. I know I said I'd make Man, but I didn't think anyone would hold me to it. 
"Oh, come on, a waste system too? Fine, all things liquid squirt out the front tube, okay? Baby juice, waste water, all one flowing spigot. Bam, efficiency. Pow, clever. Shazam, economical with space. Boom, boom, boom! Proficiency, thy name is God. What's up!?!
"Aww man, I need to create a high-five or a chest bump at least. Hopefully jackasses who wear bedazzled t-shirts and work out too much don't take this idea and ruin it."

So it was said, and so was it defied almost immediately.