Brunch is a collective delusion.
Breakfast, by definition, is the first meal of the day. It
doesn’t matter what time it comes, if you work the night shift, go to sleep,
and wake up at five at night, you’re not having dinner, you’re having
breakfast. Brunch is a combination of breakfast and lunch. It’s a mutant that
is supposed to serve as a breakfast and a lunch. But if it’s your first meal,
it’s BREAKFAST!
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You could make the argument that you have dinner, or you
have supper. Those words are interchangeable. Breakfast and brunch are not
interchangeable. I suppose if you’re one of those protein-addicted weight lifter weirdos who have seven meals a day, you
could argue that the meal you have between breakfast and lunch is in fact
brunch, but I would say that’s just a snack.
Somehow we have all agreed that there’s this magical thing on
Sundays called brunch. We have all agreed to it because it’s a green light to
start drinking booze at 11:00 a.m. on a Sunday. Because really, what's "brunch" without mimosas? But drinking doesn't somehow magically transmogrify a meal into something different. It's just breakfast. We don't have to call it something else to make it a special occasion to justify boozing. Just drink you silly alcoholic.
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Whenever you gather with friends at that “cute lil’ bistro
that serves these amazing crepes with blueberry jam and a side of hush puppies
and this incredible bellini,” you are having breakfast.
This is hard for me to say, being that I love the brunch menus due to my general disdain for breakfast foods. However, I dislike self-imposed delusion more.
I don't mind the ritual, or the thought behind it, I just
don’t like the word. It’s a form of self-deception. Can’t we all just be honest
with ourselves? You can lie to the treadmill and tell it you weigh 120 when you really weigh 158. You can tell yourself that adding a Diet Coke (not an advertisement) justifies the large fries. You can even tell the homeless person that you don't have any change. But don't lie to yourself that brunch is a real thing and not just something you take your mother to when you need to drink as early as possible to deal with your mother.
Ha! Awhile ago buzzfeed did a piece about why brunch is horrible. I never drink during brunch (i'm surprisingly picky about when I drink, for being such an alchie), so does that mean it's just breakfast?
ReplyDeleteYou don't have Brunch? What's wrong with you? Next you'll be telling me that you skip Linner and Dupper, you sick bastard!
ReplyDeleteI do not acknowledge the existence of blended words. If we continue to allow the tyranny of blended words to infest our lexicon, it shant be long before we devolve into talking like creatures from the Jersey Shore.
DeleteHear, hear. Also, as a guy who eats 5-6 times a day (for training purposes, not because I'm a fatass or a protein-addled weightlifter freak), you don't hear me naming my meals. "Oh, just worked out, better have some dunch. You know, dinner and lunch combined." No, like you said, I'm having a snack. If you aren't eating breakfast, lunch, or dinner, you're having a snack.
ReplyDeleteThis has really become a cause with you, hasn't it?
ReplyDeleteWhat if I don't eat breakfast? Does that make my lunch my breakfast?
Because if that is the case, then I never eat dinner.
I do eat right before I go to bed, but that is obviously brupper-funch.
Your first meal of the day is breakfast. No matter when you eat it or what you eat. Any meal after that is up for debate. Other people fight for civil rights, some fight against income disparity and a corrupt political system. Me? I fight against the vile lie that is brunch.
DeleteI always thought it was called brunch because there were more lunchy things on the menu, like sandwiches. I get around this by saying we are having "big breakfast" on Sundays. That way I'm able to produce a huge amount of food that is still our first meal but eaten closer to noon.
ReplyDeleteIf that's the why they call it brunch, it's another step, another swirl, another inch in the descent to madness. It matters not what you eat at a given meal that gives the meal its definition. If you have scrambled eggs and cereal for your third meal of the day, does that make it breakfast? I say thee neigh!
DeleteWhoa whoa whoa.... People get drunk at brunch? Why is this the first I'm hearing about this? I need to start going to brunch. Screw breakfast!
ReplyDeleteBlasphemy.
DeleteSo what if you only eat once a day? Would it be blinner? Technically it would be breakfast, lunch, and dinner all in one. So would it be brinner? Or how about brupper? Fuck man! My brain is melting!
ReplyDeleteIf you only eat once, that's your first meal, and thus, breakfast. None of this name blending madness.
DeleteHow about those people who graze all day? One long continuous meal of sorts.
ReplyDeleteMy mother just needs to be shagged. Vast amounts of alcohol will not help with this, as she does not embibe. If she would do this once, there would be little to no excuse for drinking so early in the morning.
So what you're saying is that brunch is a state of mind?
ReplyDeleteIf you also count a person arguing with a stop sign due to mental illness a "state of mind," then yeah, I guess so.
DeleteCan I get away with calling it brunch for breakfast?
ReplyDelete"Just drink you silly alcoholic."
ReplyDeleteSometimes I feel like you're writing just to me.
I don't care what the hell they call it, as long as there are eggs Benedict and bloody mary's.
I like what is served at brunch, but yeah I disdain the idea of it. It's one of those words devised by upper class twits to sell overpriced food to other upper class twits. Yuppies, yeah, I hate them.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't have put it better myself...in fact, I didn't. You were much more succinct.
DeleteOmg... I'd straight up kill for a mimosa right now. True story.
ReplyDeleteHugs!
Valerie
Hey, brunch is a dream for all of us who want to eat breakfast foods way after the accepted time of day!!! Don't wreck the dream!!!
ReplyDeleteHere's the dirty little secret: You can have a bowl of Cocoa-Puffs any time of the day, not just morning.
Deletebut but but...sometimes I combine breakfast lunch and dinner into one meal, does that mean I only had breakfast? So that means I could have had more meals afterwards...are you telling me I could have eaten more?????
ReplyDeleteIt depends. At some point during a meal, if you eat too much it transitions from one meal into another.
DeleteOkay, smartypants, what if you only eat two meals a day? Is the second meal lunch or dinner? Actually, if you wait long enough between the two meals, you would again be 'breaking a fast', and therefore having breakfast again.
ReplyDeleteOne is definitely breakfast. Of that only can we be certain. And while "breaking a fast" is the origin of the word, the meaning now, in our modern parlance, is "the first meal of the day". So if the second meal comes during the same day (for you), then it's not breakfast. What other meals are called is still up for debate, hence why we have never settled the "dinner/supper" debate.
DeleteI'm going to let this one slide... but if you bring this up at Brunch again, I'm going to throw my mimosa in your face. xxx
ReplyDeleteNot possible because I'd be bringing it up at Breakfast.
DeleteMost weekends I end up waking almost at noon. Brunch is the only option for me at this point.
ReplyDeleteNo it is not, because for you, it would be breakfast, i.e. the first meal of the day. Don't let restaurants define your meal. Your first meal of the day, no matter the time, is breakfast.
DeleteThis is why I eat a lot of Monte Cristo sandwiches. They qualify as appropriate food for any meal regardless of the time of day or what the name of the meal is.
ReplyDeleteDamn right.
Delete