Brunch is a collective delusion.
Breakfast, by definition, is the first meal of the day. It doesn’t matter what time it comes, if you work the night shift, go to sleep, and wake up at five at night, you’re not having dinner, you’re having breakfast. Brunch is a combination of breakfast and lunch. It’s a mutant that is supposed to serve as a breakfast and a lunch. But if it’s your first meal, it’s BREAKFAST!
You could make the argument that you have dinner, or you have supper. Those words are interchangeable. Breakfast and brunch are not interchangeable. I suppose if you’re one of those protein-addicted weight lifter weirdos who have seven meals a day, you could argue that the meal you have between breakfast and lunch is in fact brunch, but I would say that’s just a snack.
Somehow we have all agreed that there’s this magical thing on Sundays called brunch. We have all agreed to it because it’s a green light to start drinking booze at 11:00 a.m. on a Sunday. Because really, what's "brunch" without mimosas? But drinking doesn't somehow magically transmogrify a meal into something different. It's just breakfast. We don't have to call it something else to make it a special occasion to justify boozing. Just drink you silly alcoholic.
Whenever you gather with friends at that “cute lil’ bistro that serves these amazing crepes with blueberry jam and a side of hush puppies and this incredible bellini,” you are having breakfast.
This is hard for me to say, being that I love the brunch menus due to my general disdain for breakfast foods. However, I dislike self-imposed delusion more.
I don't mind the ritual, or the thought behind it, I just don’t like the word. It’s a form of self-deception. Can’t we all just be honest with ourselves? You can lie to the treadmill and tell it you weigh 120 when you really weigh 158. You can tell yourself that adding a Diet Coke (not an advertisement) justifies the large fries. You can even tell the homeless person that you don't have any change. But don't lie to yourself that brunch is a real thing and not just something you take your mother to when you need to drink as early as possible to deal with your mother.