|I know bears riding horses seems cool, and it is, but it|
doesn't really have anything to do with drugs.
So put your kids in front of the computer and let me do all the work of teaching your kids about the dangers of illicit substances.
Watch out kids! There's a drug behind you! No, really, look behind you, there's probably a drug. Is your mommy or daddy drinking coffee? They're drug addicts. Caffeine is a drug, the anti-depressants they've been popping like delicious candy ever since you were born, also a drug. The whiskey they used to rub on your gums when you were teething, also a drug. When your Uncle Roger comes over and he seems really tired and hungry and laughs at everything? He's probably also on a drug. Your teachers, they are on drugs.
And you don't want to be like those dumb adults, do you? Can you imagine? Being like your lame parents? Don't make me LOL. (See, kids, you can trust me, I'm cool. I saw The Aquabats back in the 90's. Uh oh, I lost you, didn't I?) No one wants to be like their parents because parents suck, so don't be like your parents, stay away from drugs.
|Maybe just say "yes to taco" singular, lil' guy.|
|See? Internet weirdos always tell the truth.|
When you get headaches, they probably give you drugs. When you have the sniffles, boom, drugs. Not paying attention in school? Get ready to have a funnel stuffed into your sass-mouth and drugs poured down your attention-deficited throat.
You don't have to "just say 'no,'" you have to remain ever-vigilant against the forces of adulthood!
Okay, now give the computer back to your parents.
Hey, parents, aren't drugs great? We can't let these kids know about all the kick-ass drugs, diminishing the supply of good drugs. Screw those dumb kids, let's keep all the drugs for ourselves, right?!? Keep kids off drugs so we can have all the good drugs for us. (Nancy Reagan would give me a rusty trombone if she read that powerful message.)